Redirecting Behavior - Dog Aggressive

[tt557]

Originally Posted by ZeldasMom

My faith is very strong and I won't allow MIL to bring me down. I know she does a lot of things to get DH's attention. That's her baby! She has two other adult children and hasn't spoken to them in 15 years, so he is all she has. She very ungrateful. But on the other hand, does have a very caring side to her. I guess caring and ungrateful are two separate things.

DH and I have been trying to conceive a baby and we think that we haven't succeeded yet because of all the stress he's under. Not to mention, it's just unhealthy with him have to clean up after her bowel movements, etc.

If I didn't mention, he's only 34 and I just turned 35. Maybe it would be easier to deal with if we were older and already had kids, but all we have is our fur babies.

I know whatever God puts me through, he will also pull me through. Or at least that's my hope!

While your MIL may have a good side to her - the bad side isnt doing any good to your husband. Sit down and have a talk with him and explain to him how you feel about what this is doing to HIM. I think by expressing your concerns for him -will make him feel a little better knowing that you are by his side. He's stuck in the middle with loyalties to his home (you and dogs) and his mom. And may not feel as defensive should you suggest ideas in dealing with your MIL.
I would suggest talking to her doctors - it sounds as if she might not be mentally capable and to have that burden put onto you & your husband is not healthy nor safe. Your MIL may not WANT to go into a home but she may HAVE to go into a home. And if she should go - when you visit her , you will be able to enjoy her and appriciate the good in her all the more.

[ZeldasMom]

Well MIL can't go home until her house is thoroughly cleaned. She lets the dog poop and pee all over the place. The last time I was in her house was almost five years ago and I vomited from the smell alone. It's ing. I don't believe in my gut or heart that she should ever live on her own again. But my DH doesn't feel that way. Or he's just doesn't want to realize it. He says he made a promise to his mother to never put her in a home or the like, and so now he won't. He knows that I am concerned about his health and his well being right now because he is under so much pressure. He has to go to his mom's house two or three times a day to take care of her dog. He also knows I'm pissed that her dog is there with no interaction from anyone, other than my DH. It's not right. But I made the mistake of asking his mom if we could get someone to watch her during the time she was gone and she flipped out on me and tried to come after me. Then she told DH that I had Dex attack her and that she was going to call the police and have him put the sleep. I went off after that. You can mess with me but don't you ever, ever mess with my dogs. DH was pissed at her as well. So we put her on restriction from even touching the dogs. That upset her but oh well. If you act like that then there are consequences.

The whole situation is just messed up at this point and doesn't seem to be getting better, this I know. DH just called and said that Zelda threw up in her crate and Dex had blow out runs in his. What the heck? He said his MIL was going to check on them and I told him under no circumstances was she to go in their room.

[Kellee]

Originally Posted by ZeldasMom

Sorry I did not get on last night, but it was crazy in our house. As soon as I got home, Dex immediately started to jump on me, so I shut the door and waited for DH to put him in a down/wait position before entering the house. It took about seven minute before I could finally come in. As soon as I got in I put the leash on Dex and made him wear it all night. While we were eating Zelda heard something outside and barked, which caused Dex to jump up and go after her. He was in a very relaxed state when this happened. We immediately gave our command (not yelling either) and he came back to us, so we grabbed the leash and kept him close until we got Zelda back in the room into a down position. She listens good. However, DH's mother kept trying to shout commands at Dex and Zelda and I told her NOT to do it anymore.

About an hour later when everything was calm and good, DH's mother starting her yelling across the room again and spoked Dex but he didn't go off as bad as before. Still had the leash on him. DH told his mother to stop the yelling again and she got pissed and went off. I mean for 30 mins those two were going back and forth. I never noticed it before but it was almost as if Dex was either scared of in protective mode. He attempted to go after Zelda but stopped and came to me and was sitting next to me with his ears pulled back. They were yelling loudly (even with the doors closed and TV turned up) and when it got very escalated, Dex would standup, in front of me, as if he was being protective. I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking that and he's not being protective at all.

We made him sleep on the floor all night (and he cried from 10pm-1am and again 3am-6am). We got no sleep, but he was a much better dog this morning.

To all of you who have recommended home health care aide, sitters or assisted-living. She will do none of those. We've tried and it's a resounding NOOOO!

And her Dobie is not at our house. I think Dex would literally try to kill her. He hates all living creatures, except Zelda. I'm only assuming that of course.

This is your home and your husbands home right? I may do things a little different than most, but the resounding "NO" would fall on deaf ears at this point if it were me. Seriously.

I know you said you are small, but I don't believe it matters. If Dexter believed you would kick his as@ when it came down to the nitty gritty he wouldn't dominate you like this. I would NEVER be put outside waiting for 7 minutes by a dog. Act like you won't be dominated, feel like you won't, KNOW you won't and that dog will pick up on that . I know NILIF is to be done, but that takes weeks, months. Change your attitude with your dog if you can, for an immediate fix.

[Kellee]

Originally Posted by ZeldasMom

Well MIL can't go home until her house is thoroughly cleaned. She lets the dog poop and pee all over the place. The last time I was in her house was almost five years ago and I vomited from the smell alone. It's ing. I don't believe in my gut or heart that she should ever live on her own again. But my DH doesn't feel that way. Or he's just doesn't want to realize it. He says he made a promise to his mother to never put her in a home or the like, and so now he won't. He knows that I am concerned about his health and his well being right now because he is under so much pressure. He has to go to his mom's house two or three times a day to take care of her dog. He also knows I'm pissed that her dog is there with no interaction from anyone, other than my DH. It's not right. But I made the mistake of asking his mom if we could get someone to watch her during the time she was gone and she flipped out on me and tried to come after me. Then she told DH that I had Dex attack her and that she was going to call the police and have him put the sleep. I went off after that. You can mess with me but don't you ever, ever mess with my dogs. DH was pissed at her as well. So we put her on restriction from even touching the dogs. That upset her but oh well. If you act like that then there are consequences.

The whole situation is just messed up at this point and doesn't seem to be getting better, this I know. DH just called and said that Zelda threw up in her crate and Dex had blow out runs in his. What the heck? He said his MIL was going to check on them and I told him under no circumstances was she to go in their room.

Wow. I would say, " I am leaving this house and taking the dogs with me. When she is gone, I'll come back. " And boy, would I do it.

[tt557]

Is there someone else that can try to talk to your husband? He is in denial and by doing so is putting all those around him in jeapordy. You, your MIL & the animals.
Can you reach out to his sisters? Are you both religous? Perhaps your priest/pastor?
Someone who is close to him that he respects but not directly involved???

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[ZeldasMom]

This is your home and your husbands home right? I may do things a little different than most, but the resounding "NO" would fall on deaf ears at this point if it were me. Seriously.

I know you said you are small, but I don't believe it matters. If Dexter believed you would kick his as@ when it came down to the nitty gritty he wouldn't dominate you like this. I would NEVER be put outside waiting for 7 minutes by a dog. Act like you won't be dominated, feel like you won't, KNOW you won't and that dog will pick up on that . I know NILIF is to be done, but that takes weeks, months. Change your attitude with your dog if you can, for an immediate fix.

I totally understand what you're saying. I have tried the whole I'm taking the dogs and leaving. I've even tried telling DH to take his mom home and go live with her for awhile. I can't leave my house and or leave DH there to take care of her by himself. I agree he's in denial. I don't think he wants to face it that his mom is losing her mind. She was in a horrible car accident in 1987 that left her in a coma for a year and then remained in the hospital another year learning to walk, talk, eat, etc. all over again. So she has some mental issues that stem from that. Definitely hallucinations, making things up, and just generally forgetful. DH gave her a bath on Wednesday night and she accused him last night of never giving her a bath.

It's just a bad situation. I know the dogs feel every ounce of bad energy that's coming from all of us. Especially me because I grew up in a house with a narcissistic mother who screamed on a daily basis. This situation I'm in is bringing back some horrible memories. DH knows that too.

I know DH has a couple friends who tell him he needs to put his mom in a home or have a home health care aid come in, and then there are others who always say, "This is your mom man and you have no choice but to take care of her." He doesn't want anyone, especially our Pastor, to know what's going on. DH is a very private man.

As far as taking control of Dex. I only did that training last night with the front door to show him that you won't get any attention from me until you act right. It worked. Well it worked for last night, so we'll see. I'm going to try the not sleeping in the bed thing again tonight. If Dex comes after me, I don't shrill or shreek and run away. I always face him and I usually stand tall and walk toward him until he's sitting and relaxed. If he strikes again, I usually move out of the way and start over. If I want him to stop right away I grab the babygate because for some reason he is scared of that thing. I think because it makes a loud noise when it hits the ground. But I do try to stand firm and tall with him. I know he respects me more than DH because he never listens to him.

I'm going to try a nice long walk with Dex only tonight. Or should DH and I take them both for a long walk?

[mstngchic2012]

I'm sorry that ALL of you (you, your hubby, MIL, and the dogs) are going through this. It must be extremely hard on all of you. However, I will agree with Kellee on this. The constant No's to getting the help your MIL is in desperate need of would be falling on deaf ears. Clearly you and your husband are not capable of taking care of her in a way that is healthy for her (mentally mostly). I don't want to sound mean or harsh but she obviously can't take care of herself either so she NEEDS to be put in some kind of home where professionals can make sure she gets what she needs.

I used to tell my parents that they would never go to a home but now that I'm older and have seen what it's like to take care of a person who is sick whether mentally, physically, etc. I would put them in a home knowing that I would not be able to take care of them in the way that they deserve to be taken care of. I know that this doesn't make it any easier but rest assured that I would full on support your decision of a home for your MIL. I would not think any less of you and I'm sure that none of the others on here would either.

[ZeldasMom]

I try to put myself in DH's shoes and MIL's. I can't imagine being in her state of physical and mental health right now. Did I mention that he had her put on Celexia? It's some type of drug that is suppose to level out her moods but I don't think it's working anymore. I see DH and how this is affecting him mentally and physically as well and try to help as much as he'll let me. I know he is scared that she will die if she goes home or into a home. He basically found her close to death back on July 20th. The ER doc told him if he wouldn't have gotten to her when he did she would've expired by the next day. I know that scares him tremendously. He's afraid it will happen again. Her health habits are what led to her getting sick in the first place. And he sees the way she is now and I know he knows it will or could happen again. She thinks she's clean all the time.

[Dodo & Bull]

Wow i m sorry to say but this could turn out really bad really quick...

if she s not a happy camper one day and she calls the police to say the dogs attacked her they might take the dogs away even if it s not true..

but the worst thing it could happen for real...

for sure the dogs feel all this negative energy in the house...there s not one person in the house who is relaxed..everybody is stressed out to the max..and it won t get any better...

i know alot of my friends that there parents wanted nothing to do to be put in a home but they didn t have a choice to do it and now they have friends and they just love it...

parents don t want to be in a home cause they don t know what it is..

I know it must be very hard on you but your poor hubby who trying to make everybody happy and it s not happening must feel real bad...

i feel so bad for you guys having to go threw this...

Here in Quebec were able to put them in a home to see how they would like it for a month..maybe you can do that...

[ZeldasMom]

Hi all. Hope you had a great Halloween weekend.

All was chaos in my house again. Dexter is sick. Not sure what's going on, but I'm taking him to the doc today. He is not a very happy dog at the moment. He did a lot of redirecting this weekend. I'm not sure if its because he feels bad on top of being anxious / nervous anyway. He redirected on myself, my husband, and Zelda all at the same time. It was as if he was a bull in a ring. It was bad. I felt horrible for him.

I have a serious question. Our trainer suggested that while Mac's mom is living there, that we might consider putting Dexter on Prozac or a mild form of anxiety meds. But only while she is there. That is could help with his nervousness. I am not sure I like that idea. Please tell me what you think.