James, I agree with you 100%. I said shortly after I got Nala that I bit off more than I could chew. I admittedly made a mistake in thinking I had the time for another puppy. I never bargained for an unhealthy puppy with so many temperament issues. I don't know how to deal with issues like this, I've never owned an unstable dog. These are things I didn't think about because I was aching so badly for a puppy. I thought it would fill a void, but it only added to my plate of growing problems. I don't feel I should make any excuses for myself, as if that makes it okay, because it doesn't. I am not being my usual overly-defensive self, because I am quite humbled in my poor choices, and know that I am the only one to blame here. No, I didn't cause Nala's fear problem, but I brought it upon myself when I chose to rescue another dog I didn't have time for. It was a selfish decision. What's done is done... I made a mistake, and now I have to deal with the consequences. As I read my replies throughout this thread, I am thinking the same thing as most of you, who are just too nice to say it. I probably shouldn't own any dogs. They are suffering, not outwardly, but will in the long run, because I can't give 100%.
Oh how I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it all better. I wish I had the time and energy to give them what they deserve. I am in tears over this, and have been for quite some time. I realize I am failing miserably, though I am constantly wanting to try harder. But God I am just so exhausted.
I don't know Nala's fate. Sometimes I think I should re-home her with someone who is more experienced with special needs. Sometimes I think I should surrender Koa to his breeder because he has grown to be more than I can physically handle. I'm unable to crate him because he is stronger than me. No matter how hard I try, I haven't been able to do something as simple as putting him in a cage. When I got him, I thought he would grow up to look like Heaven, under 45-50 pounds. I wasn't counting on this 70-pound horse of a dog! He has accidentally given me a concussion, I think that's a sign I'm not able to handle a dog this size. Yet because I was lonely, I went and got another puppy.. wanting something to mother, something to make me feel needed. And now I've created a huge mess and I don't know what to do.